The Cinnabon Manifesto:
There comes a time, where, in the clutches of enlightenment
(or abject stupidity), a small group of persons realizes that the
solutions of the world’s problems lie in the most unlikely of places and
things. We, the collective minds of this community, have come to one
such revelation: Cinnabon is the one final solution to the question,
whatever that question may happen to be at the moment of crisis.
There is No problem in this world which can not be solved with the
proper application of Cinnabon.
Thus, all the world’s historical, political, cultural, social and
economic hardships have been caused by a heretofore unrecognized
and deeply underlying cause: the shortage of and uneven, unequal
distribution of Cinnabon stores.
This movement Vows to establish a world wide network of
Cinnamon outlets. This network would provide the frosted, sticky
Cinnamon goodness which is the root of all inter-racial, -ethnic,
-cultural, political and social disputes, misunderstandings, rivalries and
altercations by the near-universal consensus that Cinnabon is a
wonderful breakfast, snack or party food. By recognition of this
mutual, universal common ground all humankind will be able to come
together and find other common ground on which to build a
foundation of understanding and mutual trust over a steaming, soft,
sticky, fresh and sugar-frosted cinnamon bun.
This movement’s agenda is to establish a world wide network
of Cinnabon outlets, none of which shall lie, by direct line, level and
strait, not more than 18 miles from another in any direction.
By thus providing the infrastructure and support systems, the
rest of the plan will inevitably fall into place. By working for and in
conjunction with the Common Working man; and in the interests of
the world as a whole, we shall overcome the oppression of the
historical chains binding Cinnabon to only the privileged few;
ushering in a shining new epoch of understanding and peace in human
GO FORTH AND GET SOME CINNABON!